Technology and teen dating violence

2.2.2009

Technology is a wonderful thing. It allows us to see pictures of our friends that live hundreds of miles away, it lets us talk to our friends without seeing them in person and it gives us better and faster ways to have all the information we could ever want at our fingertips. So many of us have cell phones, instant messaging, and MySpace and Facebook accounts that technology seems to be integrated into every aspect of our lives.

It also makes it easier for us to talk with our boyfriend or girlfriend. We can send them cute text messages, we can proudly display their name on our Facebook page when we say that we’re “in a relationship” and we can send them e-Cards for Valentine’s Day and anniversaries.

However, technology can also be a tool for dating abuse. Texting too much, pressuring you to share your account information and logins to go through your e-mails or Facebook accounts and calling when you’re out with your friends could be something more serious than you think. Cell phone calls, texting, instant messaging and e-mailing at an alarmingly high rate can be a sign that your partner is trying to gain control.

Did you know that nearly one in four teens in relationships communicate with their partner via cell phone or text messaging hourly between midnight and 5:00 a.m.? Imagine the toll that those long hours awake can have on your school work, your social life and your overall health! By staying up for those extra hours you will not only lose sleep, your grades could start slipping, you could get sick more often, you could become more anxious or worried and you could constantly feel tired or groggy.

It’s not only the constant communication that could be problematic; many boyfriends and girlfriends use technology to spread rumors or make their partner feel embarrassed or put down. One in four teens in a relationship say that they have been called names, harassed or put down by their partner through cell phone calls or text messages. Hearing harsh words and insults from a partner can be harmful no matter the circumstances; whether it be in person or via text message.

Are you worried that this is happening to you or a friend? If you’d like more information about teen dating abuse and how to get help, please go to our website at www.padv.org or call a teen dating violence helpline.

How dating violence affected me

1.14.2009

I’d like to pose a question to everyone reading this blog: how has teen dating violence (TDV) affected you?

My name is Jil and I work for PADV as the teen prevention advocate. I talk with teens in their schools or community groups about building healthy relationships. I also warn teens about dating abuse and what to do in the event that teen dating violence is affecting them or their friends. Before I started working in this field, I didn’t know a lot about teen dating violence. I thought that it was something that only a few teens had to deal with. Looking back, teen dating violence was present in my life when I was younger. But I thought that the warning signs I saw were just a normal part of relationships during high school. At the time, I wasn’t looking for warning signs because I wasn’t really paying attention to the people around me and their relationships; especially if I didn’t know them really well.

Now than I know about teen dating violence and recognize how it was present in my life when I was a teen, I wish that I would have done something for those couples that were having shouting arguments in the hallway at school or the girl from gym class who showed some bruises that she got from her boyfriend. I could have even helped a friend of mine whose boyfriend slapped her and pushed her into lockers.

Dating violence doesn’t discriminate based on age, race, gender or sexual orientation. I wish that I had realized that more when I was a teen. Even though I was not in violent relationships as a teen, I should have been an advocate for those who were and told them that everyone deserves better than a relationship that is built on violence and abuse.

So, I’m wondering has teen dating violence has affected you? Has someone you know been abused by their dating partner? What can you do, or what have you done, to help?

If you’re ever looking for information about teen dating violence or other forms of abuse, check out our website.

Engaged & Underage from MTV

12.30.2008

Engaged & Underage is a show on MTV that follows young couples (all 21 and under) preparing for their big walk down the aisle. Some couples have wonderful and strong relationships and see marriage as the next practical step of their relationship. But sometimes, the couples don't have a strong relationship that's rooted in trust, mutual support and honesty.

One example of a couple that does not have a healthy relationship is Jewel and Cory, a couple from Texas. You can watch scenes from their episode below.

Engaged & Underage - MTV Shows

During the introductory part of their episode, Jewel talks about how her fiancé Cory used to be a professional BMX biker, but that she made him quit once they were engaged. Do you think Cory should have to choose between doing what he loves, BMX, and the person that he thinks is "The One?"

In the first part of the episode, we watch Jewel and Cory at a family barbeque. Many of the people in their families say that Cory is “whipped”; he’ll do whatever Jewel says with no questions asked. Cory felt that Jewel was instigating these perceptions by saying that Cory did whatever she asked. How do you think that Jewel could have been more supportive of Cory? What should she have done differently?

All throughout the episode, Jewel is constantly nagging Cory about completing one of two things; their house (which they plan to move into after the wedding) and a bridge that she wants installed for her wedding day. These tasks are often unrealistic and obviously tedious because Cory has a hard time completing them. He even takes time away from his family dinner to try to explain to Jewel that he can’t possibly get everything done and prepare for their wedding. Other than feeling frustrated, how do you think Cory feels?

Even though we’ve already said that we think their relationship is rocky, what do you think?