“Why do boys have a problem telling if they have been raped?”

When was the first time you heard the words “boys don’t cry” or “man up”? What makes up a “strong man” is socially ingrained in us at a very early age, but gender roles can sometimes create stereotypes that are unfair and inaccurate. And what happens when we don’t live up to those expectations? Can those beliefs lead to frustration, anger, and even violence? The answer is yes.

Failure to communicate?We always talk about how boys can’t communicate their feelings, but is it really just a communication problem? Has it become more socially acceptable to have a teen boy act angry than to admit he is feeling scared or sad? If you are a friend of someone who has been sexually assaulted, don’t judge or blame them, but listen to their story, offer your unconditional support and encourage them to seek help.

Where is your safe place?Nobody ever believes it can happen to them, but 58% of rape victims report being raped between the ages of 12-24. If you’ve been sexually assaulted, it’s very important to find safety and call for help as soon as possible.
RAINN 1-800-656-4673.

Q & A: What should you do if someone rapes you?

05.27.2010

On March 13, 2010, PADV Teen Scene sponsored our 1^st annual Spotlight on Teen Dating Violence summit. We gathered some questions that we were unable to answer during the summit, so we are going to answer them here on our blog. Check back as we answer more questions.

This week's blog was answered by Amarinthia Torres, Family Violence Intervention Program specialist and advocate for survivors of domestic violence, rape and sexual assault.

Q: What should you do if someone rapes you?

A: Sexual violence of any kind can be scary, traumatic and confusing. It takes a lot of courage and strength to come forward about someone pressuring or forcing you to have sex when you don't want to.

It can be really hard to know what to do when something like this happens. Do you tell someone and if so, who? What about the police? These questions are completely valid and normal. The truth is, you know yourself the best and only you can decide what is best for you. But, it can help to know what the options are. Here are some things that you might want to consider:

• Tell a trusted friend. Dealing with the effects of something like rape can be difficult to handle alone. Sometimes it can help to have someone you trust to talk to who will just listen, support you and keep things between the two of you. However, if the idea of telling someone you know makes you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable, that's okay. Remember, PADV has a 24-hour crisis line that is anonymous, confidential and free. Call them at 404.873.1766 or 770.963.9799.
  
  
• Tell your parents or another adult. This may not be an easy option for some teenagers. But, your parents can often help give you advice or make sure you are okay. And if not your parents, telling another trusted adult (like a school counselor, relative, coach or teacher) can help you deal with what has happened.
  
  
• Seek medical attention. Because sexual violence involves sexual acts, there are some very real health concerns. Survivors may be exposed to injuries or pain, sexually transmitted infections and the risk of pregnancy. By going to the hospital, women's clinic or your doctor, you can receive help for these things. In addition to checking your health, medical attention is also important in the event that you want to file a report with the police, they can take medical evidence to help you press charges.
  
  
• Make a report with the police. You have the option of reporting what happened to you to the police. Some survivors report the assault but others choose not to press charges or don't pursue a full investigation. Other times, survivors feel empowered by speaking with police about what happened and want to seek out justice by telling about the experience. There is no right or wrong answer here. It comes down to what's right for you.
  
  
• Find healing and recovery. In the aftermath of an assault, it is important to take care of yourself and surround yourself with support. Some survivors write about what they are feeling in a journal or through spoken word, music or poetry. Some people may call a hotline to talk things out. Find what works for you to help deal with the trauma you've been through.
  

Remember, no matter what the situation, no matter what you did or didn't do, it's never okay to do something to another person's body without them saying it's okay. Your options matter and you have the right to decide for you what happens to your body and have that decision be respected at all times. Remember, you never lose that right, no matter what.