Rihanna on 20/20

11.23.2009

Recently, Rihanna granted her first interview since the dating abuse she endured at the hands of then boyfriend, Chris Brown. In the interview, she gave insight to the good times of her relationship, the night that “changed everything,” why she went back, and where she is in her recovery right now. While there are many critics who wish that she hadn’t waited so long to tell her story, I thought that Rihanna’s interview was honest, insightful and empowering.

In the interview, Rihanna stated that she grew up in a violent home. She shared about the violence that she witnessed towards her mother at the hands of her father, saying “domestic violence is not something that you want some one to know [about],” and that she “always used to say [she would] never date someone like [her] dad. Never…” Statistics show that young women who grow up witnessing domestic violence are more likely to be abused by a significant other, just as young men who grow up witnessing domestic violence are more likely to be abusers.

Later, Rihanna shed light on the barriers to leaving her relationship and how she finally made the decision to leave. As soon as the bruises faded, she began to question if she caused the abuse and what she could have done differently to prevent it. Ultimately, the feelings that she felt for Brown enticed her to go back. We know that Rihanna’s plight is not unusual; 8 out of 10 girls who have been physically abused in their dating relationships continue to date their abuser.

While Rihanna correctly cited many barriers and facts about dating abuse, I felt some of what she said provided misinformation about teen dating violence. During the interview, Rihanna stated that the abuse she endured before the Grammys was the only incident that occurred. The person conducting the interview pointed out that although the abuse in February of 2009 was the most documented; there were previous reports of violence in the relationship. Rihanna dismissed those other reports of violence because they weren’t as severe as the last one.

As many dating violence survivors know, abuse isn’t always physical; one in four teens report verbal, emotional sexual or physical abuse in their relationship. By implying that the other incidences of domestic violence weren’t as “severe,” she gave mixed signals and suggested that the other forms of abuse are not as serious as physical abuse.

Overall, I thought that this was a great interview. While I feel that viewers got more insight about teen dating violence, this was also a wonderful step for Rihanna’s recovery. Because dating violence is so taboo, I applaud that she stepped into the spotlight to shed light on this epidemic. I believe that she is no longer a victim but a true survivor and advocate for the cause.

As she said at the end of her interview, “I am strong….this happened to me… I didn’t cause this… and I will tell any girl who is going through domestic violence …don’t react out of love because love is so blind”.

What are you thoughts about the interview?

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Jil

In the mix: music and portraying love

07.16.2009

Many teens, both boys and girls, look to Hollywood for their role models. While the behavior of actors and actresses on T.V. and in movies may be especially easy to model because of the visual representation, less obvious but equally powerful is the impact that the behavior described in music has on today’s teens.

Love is a common theme in much of today’s music, and the language around the topic sends conflicting messages to both girls and boys about appropriate gender roles and behaviors in dating relationships. For girls, songs such as Rihanna’s “Rehab” and Leona Lewis’ “Bleeding Love” send the message that girls are supposed to be needy and clingy; as if they’re addicted to the boys they’re in relationships with. Rihanna actually sings about needing to go to rehab because her boyfriend is her “disease,” while Leona sings about how she is “cut open” and bleeding love but everyone around her thinks she is going crazy, much like a girl may be addicted to cutting herself to ease the pain of something that makes her upset. The language of addiction is further described in Leona’s song with lyrics such as “But nothing’s greater than the rush that comes with your embrace” and “I’ll be wearing these scars for everyone to see.”

On the other hand, female singers such as Beyonce and Kelly Clarkson describe independent, empowered women who don’t need men to be happy. Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put a ring on it)” is an upbeat song about a girl partying at a club after recently breaking up with her boyfriend. She warns her ex “If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it, don’t be mad once you see that he want it,” giving the impression that it’s easy for her to move on and find someone else who will treat her better. Similarly, Kelly’s Clarkson’s “Miss Independent” describes a girl who is only willing to fall for a man if she is truly in love, otherwise she is “Miss Independent, Miss self-sufficient, Miss keep your distance….Miss don’t let a man interfere.”

Boys are also sent conflicting messages about appropriate behavior in dating relationships, sometimes even by the same artist. For example, Usher’s “Love in the Club” is a song purely about his desire for sex, while his other song “Burn” is a more sensitive song about letting a relationship die out when it’s not right anymore, even though a part of him wants to stay with his girlfriend.

In a world of confusing messages such as those described in these lyrics, how are teens supposed to know how to act in relationships? Although it is common knowledge that musicians often don’t write the lyrics to their songs themselves, they need to be aware of the power of their words in the lives of the teens they affect, and maybe even refuse to sing songs that they think might be damaging to their listeners, despite the money they may get. Sometimes, one may notice a musician “growing up” in the lyrics they write, such as Alanis Morisette’s transition from an angry, broken-hearted teenager in the mid 90s to a more mature older woman today. At least in these instances, the message is clear (i.e. teenage years are hard, but things will get better). But especially in instances where a musician releases songs with different messages at the same time, (e.g. Usher), teens may feel confused about the proper way to act.

Love is a truly wonderful thing to experience when it is true, and love needs to be respected in the music we listen to.