In the mix: music and portraying love

07.16.2009

Many teens, both boys and girls, look to Hollywood for their role models. While the behavior of actors and actresses on T.V. and in movies may be especially easy to model because of the visual representation, less obvious but equally powerful is the impact that the behavior described in music has on today’s teens.

Love is a common theme in much of today’s music, and the language around the topic sends conflicting messages to both girls and boys about appropriate gender roles and behaviors in dating relationships. For girls, songs such as Rihanna’s “Rehab” and Leona Lewis’ “Bleeding Love” send the message that girls are supposed to be needy and clingy; as if they’re addicted to the boys they’re in relationships with. Rihanna actually sings about needing to go to rehab because her boyfriend is her “disease,” while Leona sings about how she is “cut open” and bleeding love but everyone around her thinks she is going crazy, much like a girl may be addicted to cutting herself to ease the pain of something that makes her upset. The language of addiction is further described in Leona’s song with lyrics such as “But nothing’s greater than the rush that comes with your embrace” and “I’ll be wearing these scars for everyone to see.”

On the other hand, female singers such as Beyonce and Kelly Clarkson describe independent, empowered women who don’t need men to be happy. Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put a ring on it)” is an upbeat song about a girl partying at a club after recently breaking up with her boyfriend. She warns her ex “If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it, don’t be mad once you see that he want it,” giving the impression that it’s easy for her to move on and find someone else who will treat her better. Similarly, Kelly’s Clarkson’s “Miss Independent” describes a girl who is only willing to fall for a man if she is truly in love, otherwise she is “Miss Independent, Miss self-sufficient, Miss keep your distance….Miss don’t let a man interfere.”

Boys are also sent conflicting messages about appropriate behavior in dating relationships, sometimes even by the same artist. For example, Usher’s “Love in the Club” is a song purely about his desire for sex, while his other song “Burn” is a more sensitive song about letting a relationship die out when it’s not right anymore, even though a part of him wants to stay with his girlfriend.

In a world of confusing messages such as those described in these lyrics, how are teens supposed to know how to act in relationships? Although it is common knowledge that musicians often don’t write the lyrics to their songs themselves, they need to be aware of the power of their words in the lives of the teens they affect, and maybe even refuse to sing songs that they think might be damaging to their listeners, despite the money they may get. Sometimes, one may notice a musician “growing up” in the lyrics they write, such as Alanis Morisette’s transition from an angry, broken-hearted teenager in the mid 90s to a more mature older woman today. At least in these instances, the message is clear (i.e. teenage years are hard, but things will get better). But especially in instances where a musician releases songs with different messages at the same time, (e.g. Usher), teens may feel confused about the proper way to act.

Love is a truly wonderful thing to experience when it is true, and love needs to be respected in the music we listen to.

P!nk "Please Don't Leave Me"

06.25.09

-by Laura

As catchy as it may be, I can’t help but notice the alarming lyrics in Pink’s newest chart topping song “Please don’t leave me.” She sings about yelling at her partner, insulting him, threatening to kick him out, cutting him to pieces, and refers to him as her “perfect little punching bag”. These threats come along with praises and apologies like “you are so beautiful” and “I don’t mean it, please don’t leave me..” Throughout the song she also places the blame back on him; “What is it with you that makes me act like this” or justifying her actions with the fact that her heart is broken.

When there is dating violence in a relationship, there is often a cycle of abuse. I think this song is a perfect example of this cycle. One partner threatens (“I am capable of really anything”), then emotionally or physically hurts their partner (“How many times I’ve kicked you outta here.”), apologies and asked him or her to stay (“I need you, I’m sorry”). Then things are ok for awhile, but inevitably the cycle starts over again.

Unfortunately, the video is even worse. Throughout it, she progressively injures her boyfriend more and more severely. Its set up to seem funny, but after seeing this video I am not too proud of Pink.

I encourage you guys to really listen to what you are jamming out to on your ipods, because like I said, when that catchy beat comes on I got sucked in too! Check out the full lyrics below.


I don't know if I can yell any louder
How many time I've kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
Da da da, da da

I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
But my heart is broken
Da da da, da da

Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty
Da da da, da da

Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don't mean it
I mean it, I promise
Da da da, da da

Please don't leave me
Oh please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me
I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag
And I need you, I'm sorry
Da da da, da da

Baby please don't leave me
(Da da da, da da)
No, don't leave me
Please don't leave me no no no

You say I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back
It's gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

Please don't leave me, oh no no no.
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please don't leave me
Baby, please, please don't leave me
© EMI BLACKWOOD MUSIC INC.; PINK INSIDE PUBLISHING

Death Cab for Cutie “I Will Possess Your Heart”

2.24.2009

When I first heard this song all I really noticed was the soft voice and melodic sound. But between the lines I heard possessiveness and stalker behavior. Of course, as all of you know from reading our blog, these can be early warning signs of teen dating violence. See what you think:

How I wish you could see the potential
The potential of you and me
It’s like a book elegantly bound
But in language you can’t read just yet

(Chorus)
You got to spend some time, love
You got to spend some time with me
And I know that you’ll find love
I will possess your heart

There are days when outside your window
I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective
When we’ll be lovers, lovers at last

You reject my advances and desperate pleas
I won’t let you let me down so easily
So easily

The chorus really stands out to me. These words remind me of a line I was told once- “I’m gonna make you love me, yes I am, yes I am!” As someone who has always tried to “fix” things, I think it is easy to fall in the trap of thinking that we can make someone love us. But even if we talk someone into spending time with us it is never guaranteed that they will feel the same way. And sorry you guys, but we learn time and time again that no matter what we change or how wonderful we try to be, that ultimately it is up to your partner whether or not they to love you back.

The part about being outside the window and seeing your reflection takes the song to a creepy level in my opinion. It sounds like stalker behavior. And in the end, he acknowledges that she has rejected his advances and desperate please but continues to pursue her, it doesn’t sound like he understands or respects boundaries. By saying “I won’t let you let me down so easily” It once again shows that he really thinks he has control over her feelings towards him.

I encourage you to think about times in your life when you may have tried to force a relationship. I know in my experience, I was always met with disappointment. Now hopefully none of us have been as delusional as the guy in this song, but it is good to look at how possessiveness can really go too far.

What do you guys think about the song?