Rihanna on 20/20

11.23.2009

Recently, Rihanna granted her first interview since the dating abuse she endured at the hands of then boyfriend, Chris Brown. In the interview, she gave insight to the good times of her relationship, the night that “changed everything,” why she went back, and where she is in her recovery right now. While there are many critics who wish that she hadn’t waited so long to tell her story, I thought that Rihanna’s interview was honest, insightful and empowering.

In the interview, Rihanna stated that she grew up in a violent home. She shared about the violence that she witnessed towards her mother at the hands of her father, saying “domestic violence is not something that you want some one to know [about],” and that she “always used to say [she would] never date someone like [her] dad. Never…” Statistics show that young women who grow up witnessing domestic violence are more likely to be abused by a significant other, just as young men who grow up witnessing domestic violence are more likely to be abusers.

Later, Rihanna shed light on the barriers to leaving her relationship and how she finally made the decision to leave. As soon as the bruises faded, she began to question if she caused the abuse and what she could have done differently to prevent it. Ultimately, the feelings that she felt for Brown enticed her to go back. We know that Rihanna’s plight is not unusual; 8 out of 10 girls who have been physically abused in their dating relationships continue to date their abuser.

While Rihanna correctly cited many barriers and facts about dating abuse, I felt some of what she said provided misinformation about teen dating violence. During the interview, Rihanna stated that the abuse she endured before the Grammys was the only incident that occurred. The person conducting the interview pointed out that although the abuse in February of 2009 was the most documented; there were previous reports of violence in the relationship. Rihanna dismissed those other reports of violence because they weren’t as severe as the last one.

As many dating violence survivors know, abuse isn’t always physical; one in four teens report verbal, emotional sexual or physical abuse in their relationship. By implying that the other incidences of domestic violence weren’t as “severe,” she gave mixed signals and suggested that the other forms of abuse are not as serious as physical abuse.

Overall, I thought that this was a great interview. While I feel that viewers got more insight about teen dating violence, this was also a wonderful step for Rihanna’s recovery. Because dating violence is so taboo, I applaud that she stepped into the spotlight to shed light on this epidemic. I believe that she is no longer a victim but a true survivor and advocate for the cause.

As she said at the end of her interview, “I am strong….this happened to me… I didn’t cause this… and I will tell any girl who is going through domestic violence …don’t react out of love because love is so blind”.

What are you thoughts about the interview?

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Jil

Chris Brown's video response

07.23.2009

During a teen dating violence class I was presenting at this past weekend, the topic of Chris Brown and Rihanna came up. A few young men stated that they wish that everyone would just get over the whole thing; Chris Brown got punished and he will serve time by being on probation for five years, attend family violence classes, do hard labor, and stay a mandatory distance away from Rihanna. They asked me, why couldn’t I just let it go? I told them that I wouldn’t let it go because Chris Brown has never publicly apologized to Rihanna or his fans, nor has he admitted that he did anything wrong. The problem was that Chris Brown had never held himself accountable for, or publicly stated that, what occurred that night was wrong.

As if on cue, Chris Brown issued a video statement about the Rihanna altercation. He stated that he wanted to make an apology, that he was sincerely sorry, spoke about how he grew up in an abusive household, and stated that he has been seeking council from his mother and his spiritual leaders. In my opinion, it was very edited, very scripted, and just an “okay” statement in my book.

While I am no longer on my Chris Brown rampage, I feel as though he could have been more sincere in his apology. It felt to me as though he was reading his sentiments rather than feeling them. The tone of the message was all wrong for me. I wished he sounded more apologetic. I also felt that his apology was so edited that it made it seem even more unreal. As I was watching it, I actually saw the screen jump as though they edited one section to another; like the director took several takes of the “apology” and edited them together.

Beyond all of the movie magic that help to create the apology, I felt that Chris Brown could have gone further by holding other young men accountable, letting them know that dating violence is unacceptable and that no man should feel it is okay to abuse woman, even if they feel as though they were wronged. I feel as though Chris Brown should have stated that even after his court appointed violence intervention classes that he would work with a National organization dedicated to men stopping violence against women such as A Call To Men or local to Atlanta, Men Stopping Violence. I wish there would have been more. But I guess that real happy endings only happen on movie sets.

What are your thoughts? Were you satisfied with Chris Brown’s apology? Were you looking for more like me? Post your thoughts!

Peace, Love, and Happiness,

Jil