“Can a person be that in love with a person that hurt them?”

Nobody falls in love with an abuser. Things usually start off really well, so if any kind of abuse occurs, the victim usually believes that they can fix the relationship or fix the person and make things go back to the way they were. They believe that this is just a rough patch and that they just need to wait it out, and in time, things will go back to how they were in the beginning, when they were happy together.

For other people, it is hard for them to realize that they are in an abusive relationship. Those who don’t have a lot of dating experience or don’t have healthy couple role models believe that this is normal couple “stuff”.

Others believe in the glamour of love so much so that when the abusive dating partner hurts them and later apologizes, they believe that the apology is sincere, and they never see the abuse/apology scenario as cyclical. All the while, a pattern of violence is being established without the victim ever realizing it. In many cases, especially if the abusive partner is excessively charming and likable, even friends of the victim may encourage the victim to forgive the abuser. Many people are not fully aware of the abusive pattern and so encourage the victim to accept the apology and forget it ever happened.


So what do we do?

First learn about warning signs. Pay attention if your dating partner is very possessive or extremely jealous, gets angry quickly, is excessively charming, wants to get serious quickly, or starts isolating you from your friends and family.

Second, learn about the cycle of violence.

Third, get to know that person before you start dating seriously, because anyone can be on their best behavior for a few days.

And most importantly, listen to your gut instinct if it’s telling you something is wrong!

“Reviving Ophelia” - Did Hollywood get it right?

I was pleasantly surprised watching the world premiere of the movie on Lifetime. I think that Hollywood glamorizes dating and domestic violence, or brushes it off as the status quo within relationships, but this movie was well done. “Reviving Ophelia” addressed all of the issues that surround teen dating violence including the warning signs of a potentially abusive partner; the different forms of abuse; the barriers that keep girls from leaving; the role a friend can play; and the counseling and legal component of dealing with teen dating violence. This movie covered all of the important points. Let’s break the movie down into The Good, The Bad, and The Ok

The Good
I think the warning signs were easy to spot. Did you catch them all? I liked how the storyline showed that an abusive relationship doesn’t always start out with physical violence. In “Reviving Ophelia,” the character, Mark was jealous, manipulative and controlling by telling Elizabeth what to wear. The movie also showed the difficulties that Elizabeth experienced with trying to break-up with Mark. The one barrier that stood out to me was that Mark showered her with apologies and gifts, and she believed him. What other types of abuse and barriers did you notice?

The Bad
While I thought that the movie was great overall, I did have problems with some of the plot points. Once Elizabeth’s parents were aware of the abuse and sent her to counseling, they rarely communicated with their daughter or the counselor. And realistically, we all know that it’s almost impossible for parents to make their children do something that they don’t want to do. I think that there should have been more information about the parents’ role in helping their teen out of an abusive relationship. Also, I thought the ending was horrible. I know…I know… it is a movie, and it has to have a happy ending. But the idea that Mark could be talked out of kidnapping, shooting and killing Elizabeth and him self by telling him that if he loved her he wouldn’t do it was ridiculous. I wish that escaping a dangerous, abusive relationship was that easy for all teens, but unfortunately we know that things like that only happen in the movies.

The OK
I liked that Kelly, Elizabeth’s cousin, knew that the relationship between Elizabeth and Mark wasn’t right and tried to help (as the intervening bystander). I thought that the idea of no one believing Kelly because she was the “troubled teen” in the family was a little over the top. I also thought that the story of Kelly’s behavior overshadowing her concern played well. But I believe that in reality, someone would have taken her concern more seriously before Elizabeth was punched in the face by Mark. What do you think?


So, what are your thoughts? Did you enjoy the movie as much as I did? What stood out for you? What did you learn? Post your comments below!