Lady Gaga's 'Telephone": Should you pick up?

06.10.2010

I know in the past I have ripped Lady Gaga for her videos and lyrics. You can reference my previous blog on her video "Paparazzi" here. However, like the rest of the world, I too have joined the Lady Gaga fan wagon. I even heard on the radio that teens in Asia are using the phrase "oh my Lady Gaga," as a replacement for "oh my God." While this is obviously a stretch, it does speak volumes on the level of her worldwide popularity and exposure.

Despite the questionable content of her latest video, "Telephone" featuring Beyonce, there are some positive aspects in the song's lyrics. They send a message about having boundaries with your partner when it comes to technology. Even though we have phones that make us accessible at all times, it is still a person's right to have some time away from one's partner.

Whether you're at a school dance, studying for a test or hanging out with friends, you have a right to have a break from calling or texting from your partner. In a healthy relationship where there is trust, communication and mutual respect, "blowing up the phone" or calling all the time isn't acceptable. One line says, "You should've made some plans with me, you knew that I was free, and now you won't stop calling me, I'm kinda busy." Your point is taken Lady Gaga.

Teens, what do you think about teens in relationships needing access to each other. Do you feel like your partner should be accessible to all your calls and vice versa?

--Laura B.

Sex and technology

11.11.2009

I recently heard the song “LOL :).” It has a catchy beat but details how a female uses text messages, pictures, Twitter, and IMs in order to lure her man over to meet her for sex. The song made me think about the new phenomenon of “sexting” and how it relates to dating violence.

Many teens view “sexting” as a new way of flirting with someone. Some teens, both boys and girls, believe that if you like someone, you take a sexy photo of yourself and send it to them via text, IM or post that photo on Twitter, Facebook or MySpace. To some teens it’s harmless; a way to be intimate with someone without all of the consequences of actually engaging in sex. But, the perils of “sexting” go far beyond simple flirting. What happens when “sexting” and controlling behaviors mix?

“Sexting” is just one of the many types of technology abuse that is rapidly infiltrating teen relationships. What happens when technology is introduced into a relationship where one dating partner already has control over the other? There have been instances where the controlling partner demands that the abused partner send sexy pictures or text messages. There have been instances where one partner willingly sends pictures to the dating partner only to have the partner threaten to send them out or post them on the internet if the other partner doesn’t do as he or she is told.. There have been instances of pictures or messages being accidently sent to the wrong person and their dating partner, believing that it is intentional, seeks to punish their dating partner for what they believe to be an indiscretion. Imagine how it might feel to have your dating partner sending you unwanted, sexually explicit pictures of themselves thinking that it is what is appropriate for a dating relationship. In all of these examples, a seemingly innocent act turns into an act of violence.

Finally, I want you to think back on the text messages you have sent to your significant other or crush. See how open you are to let just anyone view your messages. What would happen if it was in the wrong hands? In what ways could those messages be interpreted?

In response to “sexting” and controlling behaviors in dating relationships, check out www.thatsnotcool.org. This Web site is dedicated to ending technology abuse among dating partners. The site addresses ending all types of technology abuse including “sexting,” texting harassment, constant messaging, and rumor spreading. If you are looking for ways to stop your partner from abusing you via technology, check out the site’s callout card section.

Technology and teen dating violence

2.2.2009

Technology is a wonderful thing. It allows us to see pictures of our friends that live hundreds of miles away, it lets us talk to our friends without seeing them in person and it gives us better and faster ways to have all the information we could ever want at our fingertips. So many of us have cell phones, instant messaging, and MySpace and Facebook accounts that technology seems to be integrated into every aspect of our lives.

It also makes it easier for us to talk with our boyfriend or girlfriend. We can send them cute text messages, we can proudly display their name on our Facebook page when we say that we’re “in a relationship” and we can send them e-Cards for Valentine’s Day and anniversaries.

However, technology can also be a tool for dating abuse. Texting too much, pressuring you to share your account information and logins to go through your e-mails or Facebook accounts and calling when you’re out with your friends could be something more serious than you think. Cell phone calls, texting, instant messaging and e-mailing at an alarmingly high rate can be a sign that your partner is trying to gain control.

Did you know that nearly one in four teens in relationships communicate with their partner via cell phone or text messaging hourly between midnight and 5:00 a.m.? Imagine the toll that those long hours awake can have on your school work, your social life and your overall health! By staying up for those extra hours you will not only lose sleep, your grades could start slipping, you could get sick more often, you could become more anxious or worried and you could constantly feel tired or groggy.

It’s not only the constant communication that could be problematic; many boyfriends and girlfriends use technology to spread rumors or make their partner feel embarrassed or put down. One in four teens in a relationship say that they have been called names, harassed or put down by their partner through cell phone calls or text messages. Hearing harsh words and insults from a partner can be harmful no matter the circumstances; whether it be in person or via text message.

Are you worried that this is happening to you or a friend? If you’d like more information about teen dating abuse and how to get help, please go to our website at www.padv.org or call a teen dating violence helpline.