Sex and technology

11.11.2009

I recently heard the song “LOL :).” It has a catchy beat but details how a female uses text messages, pictures, Twitter, and IMs in order to lure her man over to meet her for sex. The song made me think about the new phenomenon of “sexting” and how it relates to dating violence.

Many teens view “sexting” as a new way of flirting with someone. Some teens, both boys and girls, believe that if you like someone, you take a sexy photo of yourself and send it to them via text, IM or post that photo on Twitter, Facebook or MySpace. To some teens it’s harmless; a way to be intimate with someone without all of the consequences of actually engaging in sex. But, the perils of “sexting” go far beyond simple flirting. What happens when “sexting” and controlling behaviors mix?

“Sexting” is just one of the many types of technology abuse that is rapidly infiltrating teen relationships. What happens when technology is introduced into a relationship where one dating partner already has control over the other? There have been instances where the controlling partner demands that the abused partner send sexy pictures or text messages. There have been instances where one partner willingly sends pictures to the dating partner only to have the partner threaten to send them out or post them on the internet if the other partner doesn’t do as he or she is told.. There have been instances of pictures or messages being accidently sent to the wrong person and their dating partner, believing that it is intentional, seeks to punish their dating partner for what they believe to be an indiscretion. Imagine how it might feel to have your dating partner sending you unwanted, sexually explicit pictures of themselves thinking that it is what is appropriate for a dating relationship. In all of these examples, a seemingly innocent act turns into an act of violence.

Finally, I want you to think back on the text messages you have sent to your significant other or crush. See how open you are to let just anyone view your messages. What would happen if it was in the wrong hands? In what ways could those messages be interpreted?

In response to “sexting” and controlling behaviors in dating relationships, check out www.thatsnotcool.org. This Web site is dedicated to ending technology abuse among dating partners. The site addresses ending all types of technology abuse including “sexting,” texting harassment, constant messaging, and rumor spreading. If you are looking for ways to stop your partner from abusing you via technology, check out the site’s callout card section.