Q & A: Can play-fighting lead to serious abuse?

06.28.2010

On March 13, 2010, PADV Teen Scene sponsored our 1st annual Spotlight on Teen Dating Violence summit. We gathered some questions that we were unable to answer during the summit, so we are going to answer them here on our blog. Check back as we answer more questions.

Q: Do you think that two people in a relationship together that play fight could lead to serious abuse?

A: According to Wikipedia, “In humans, play fighting (sometimes called roughhousing or horse-playing) is an activity in which two or more people act as though they are in combat, but without actually meaning to harm their partners, nor dealing sufficient bodily harm to make the game unenjoyable.” However, when we are talking about play fighting where potential teen dating violence is concerned, we might want to look a little more closely. Are both people really okay with it? When does it go too far? Is there a safe word like, “Stop!" or, "Truce!” that both people will respect and listen to?

I think that acting out physically can often be a tool used by those that don’t know the power of verbal communication. Learning ways to express ourselves verbally and through written form is a much more effective way to show emotion and communicate with our partners. Therefore, if you or your partner play fight a lot it might mean you don’t have healthy communication. Also, physical aggressiveness is an indicator of violent tendencies.

And do we really want to wrestle with our partners? Wikipedia goes on to say, “Similar behavior is visible in other animals including cats, dogs, gorillas and kangaroos.” Since being in a relationship isn’t about combat or acting like kangaroos, I think we can move away from play fighting with our partners.

-- Laura B.