Heidi and Spencer from The Hills

11.26.2008


Heidi and Spencer's relationship really bothers me because it seems as though no one realizes how abusive Spencer is. Not that he's physically abusive towards Heidi, but dating violence is about more than that. In watching Heidi and Spencer's relationhip on “The Hills,” there are several warning signs that show that Spencer is abusive:


He isolates her from her friends and family- a hint to an abusive guy is he tries to isolate you from your closest friends and family so that you have no one else to turn to once the abuse starts. Spencer has completely alienated her from her family, making Heidi distrust her family's concern about her relationship, calling her family members names (“stalker-mom”; Heidi's sister as the “mooch of the century”), and manipulating situations to make Heidi hurt her family members (Heidi's mom crying and Heidi kicking her sister out of the apartment she shares with Spencer).


He is jealous of Heidi's relationships with others- another warning sign of an abusive partner is that they are jealous of other friendships. Spencer wants Heidi to only spend time with those people that he feels are “loyal”, and if Heidi doesn't agree, he threatens to break up with her, cheat, or move out of their apartment. The relationship that Heidi wants to work on the most is with Lauren, her former roommate who doesn't like Spencer. Spencer tries to say that Lauren wants Heidi all to herself, but it seems that he is the one that wants that, not Lauren.


Spencer is controlling- Spencer has never really shown Heidi much respect; Her opinions are not supported, her job is not seen as important, and she is not allowed to choose who her friends are. Heidi seems to always be walking on egg shells around Spencer because she never knows what type of mood Spencer is going to be in. He is always giving annoyed looks, and being passive-aggressive in his words and actions. What Spencer wants, Spencer gets -and it doesn't matter what he has to do or who he has to hurt to get it, including Heidi.


Many people have said that Heidi is changing and having to compromise a lot for her relationship. Spencer has already shown signs of dating violence; he is controlling, manipulative, and extremely selfish. However, since the last aired episode of “The Hills,” Spencer and Heidi are now married. It is my hope that their relationship improves and that Spencer can change his abusive ways because Heidi deserves much more, everyone in abusive relationships does.