“Can a person be that in love with a person that hurt them?”

Nobody falls in love with an abuser. Things usually start off really well, so if any kind of abuse occurs, the victim usually believes that they can fix the relationship or fix the person and make things go back to the way they were. They believe that this is just a rough patch and that they just need to wait it out, and in time, things will go back to how they were in the beginning, when they were happy together.

For other people, it is hard for them to realize that they are in an abusive relationship. Those who don’t have a lot of dating experience or don’t have healthy couple role models believe that this is normal couple “stuff”.

Others believe in the glamour of love so much so that when the abusive dating partner hurts them and later apologizes, they believe that the apology is sincere, and they never see the abuse/apology scenario as cyclical. All the while, a pattern of violence is being established without the victim ever realizing it. In many cases, especially if the abusive partner is excessively charming and likable, even friends of the victim may encourage the victim to forgive the abuser. Many people are not fully aware of the abusive pattern and so encourage the victim to accept the apology and forget it ever happened.


So what do we do?

First learn about warning signs. Pay attention if your dating partner is very possessive or extremely jealous, gets angry quickly, is excessively charming, wants to get serious quickly, or starts isolating you from your friends and family.

Second, learn about the cycle of violence.

Third, get to know that person before you start dating seriously, because anyone can be on their best behavior for a few days.

And most importantly, listen to your gut instinct if it’s telling you something is wrong!