Bad track record?

“Say you really like someone but you know he has a bad record with hitting girls and you’re blinded by love. Would you go for it?”

This question came out of the Spotlight on Teen Dating Violence: Upload Awareness summit audience but it seems like there are lots of people who have this question… or opinions at least. A few weeks ago on Q100 radio station, a woman (we will call her Judy) called in with this same concern. She had been with her fiancé for over 3 years and thus far their relationship had been peaceful. There were no red flags and as a child who witnessed her mom being abused, Judy felt like she knew what to look out for. She explained that during a recent game of truth or dare with friends the question “have the police ever been called to your house” came up. Her fiancé revealed that he had hit a previous girlfriend many years before and he was arrested. He basically laughed it off as a drunken argument that happened ages ago. But for Judy this was a deal breaker. She said she couldn’t look at him the same way and was considering calling off the engagement.

But in typical Q100 fashion several wannabe experts (listeners who really don’t know anything, but have lots of opinions) called in and said she couldn’t judge him for something that happened so long ago and that she should move forward with marrying him. All of callers said the same thing.

Every person has a right to listen to their intuition and have our own deal breakers and for Judy, this was it. No one, especially not your partner should minimize your feelings and concern about a history of abuse. Judy said that she felt like anyone who could do that doesn’t have the same values as her and she wouldn’t tolerate abuse of any kind. I agree with her and I hope that she listened to herself not the listeners of Q100.

But teens, what do you think? Can people change? Should we base our view of them on how they were in previous relationships?